Shanthology

I saw you at pride skate tonight, and I wanted to pull you aside, but I didn’t get the chance.

I just wanted you to know that I’m about to close on my own house, by myself, 7 days left. It didn’t take you or anyone else to do it, just me. So everything you thought I couldn’t be… I am. I’m sorry that I couldn’t provide you with the house and the life you wanted at that exact moment in your life, you were so eager for it that you could taste it and couldn’t wait for me. The guy you were cheating on me with could provide it for you at the time.

And I knew, I saw your phone ring when you were out of the room with his name on the ID. I’m not stupid, I just had too much faith in you. I assume and I hope you’re happy, truly, but I hope you know that it’s unfair how you strung me along for 7 months. I didn’t deserve it, no one does, and I think you knew you were doing it all along until something better came along.

So now I’m doing it on my own, without you, without anyone else to lean on. And when I saw you tonight that made me smile because I realized that I came out in the end, I didn’t rely on some boy to help be achieve my ultimate goal, my house, or whatever it was that you were out for. I did it, just me.

And I’m sorry that I couldn’t provide to you what you wanted in bed. When I truly love someone, I like to think that they love me too, not me and someone else in the bed. I don’t want to sit back and watch my boyfriend get fucked silly by some stranger. That’s just not me, but if that’s you, and you can find someone to stand by while it happens, then kudos, I am better off. And if you think I don’t know, I do, everyone does, it’s common knowledge in this town that, that’s what gets you off.

And in the end I’m the one who is happy.